They’re Scared Silly
TWO LITTLE BOYS were bragging up their grandfathers. “My grandpa made a scarecrow so fierce that
it frightened every single crow off the place,” boasted Alfred.
“You think that’s something,” retorted Archie. “You should have seen the scarecrow my grandpa made. It
was so fearsome that the crows brought back all the corn they stole last year!”
Someone’s Under There
LITTLE JOHNNY was in his bedroom playing with his toy fire truck when his mother walked in.
“Mom, doesn’t it say in the Bible that man was made out of dust?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied his mom.
“Is it also true that when we die, we go back to dust?” he inquired.
“Yes,” said his mom again. “Why do you ask?”
“Because I was looking under the bed,” Johnny answered, “and there’s someone under there either coming or
Going for a Stroll
GRANDMA started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where she is!
He’s Just Horsing Around
A CITY SLICKER was driving on a country road when his car broke down. While he was under the hood trying
to fix the problem, he heard a low voice say, “It’s the fuel pump.”
The fellow looked around, but only saw an old horse in the nearby pasture. As he put his head under the hood,
he again heard the voice, “I said, it’s the fuel pump.” He turned to the horse and asked, “Was that you?”
“Yes,” the horse answered. “I told you to check the fuel pump.” Stunned, the man ran to the nearby farmhouse
and asked the farmer if that was his horse. When the farmer answered yes, the city slicker said, “That horse
could be worth a fortune.”
The fellow related how the horse told him to check his fuel pump. The farmer shook his head and said, “Don’t
pay any attention to him. He doesn’t know anything about automobiles.”
Location, Location, Location
A YOUNG WOMAN inherited a home that had been built by distant relatives. Before she could take
possession of the property, however, government surveyors had to decide whether it was located in the
United States or Canada.
When they declared the home was just inside the U.S. border, the young woman was very much relieved. “I’m
glad to hear that,” she admitted. “I’ve been told that Canadian winters are quite severe.”
Help Is on the Way
As both engines of the small plane started smoking, the pilot grabbed a parachute and headed toward the
door. His departing words were, “Don’t worry about a thing, folks—I’m going for help.”
A Heart Warming Response
A FIRST-GRADE teacher asked her lively charges to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. “Stand and face the
flag and place your hand over your heart,” she instructed.
Little Susie stood up but put her hand on her backside. “Susie,” the teacher said, “you are supposed to put
your hand over your heart.”
“But I am,” Susie protested.
“No,” the teacher replied, “you heart is in your chest, not back there.”
“No it’s not,” Susie explained. “When my grandma comes to my house, she pats me back there and says,
‘Bless your little heart.’”
PUPIL: Teacher, you flunked me in Spanish. I can’t understand it.
Teacher: That’s why I flunked you.
A MAN from the city was watching a cow being milked. As he watched, a fly flew in the cow’s ear. A moment
later the man noticed a fly in the milk pail. He asked the farmer how that could have happened.
“It’s simple,” said the farmer. “In one ear and out the udder.”