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nervous. “Don’t be afraid, Mom,” assured her son, “you won’t die until it’s your time.” Grandma frowned.
“That may be so,” she agreed. “But what if it’s the pilot’s time?”

Walking on Water
TWO ministers were fishing buddies. One day, they took a visiting preacher along with them.
After a while, one of the ministers said he’d left his favorite lure back on the shore. He stepped out of the
boat and walked across the water to retrieve it. The visiting preacher couldn’t believe his eyes. He had
never seen such a show of faith!
Shortly after the first minister returned, the second minister said he had to call his office. He got out,
walked across the water, made his call, then walked back to the boat.
The visiting preacher was quite amazed at their faith and decided to prove his own. He stepped over the
side…and promptly sunk. The two fishing buddies looked at each other, and one said, “I guess we
should have told him where the stumps are.”

Wired for Sound
A RATHER FRUGAL MAN was becoming increasingly hard of hearing. He decided a hearing aid was
too expensive, so he wrapped a piece of ordinary wire around his ear. “Do you hear better now with that
wire around your ear?” asked a curious friend. “Not really,” the man replied. “But everybody who sees it
talks louder.”

Simple Explanation
A COUNTRY GENTLEMAN was asked why he had never married. He replied, “Well, I would rather go
through life wanting something I didn’t have than having something I didn’t want.”

Going with the Flow
DURING A FLOOD, a man was swept away and found himself clinging to a floating tree branch as he
was carried along with the current. Finally, he came to a half-submerged house with a woman and her
children sitting on the roof. He grabbed onto the roof and pulled himself to safety.
He sat with the woman and children, watching the debris go floating by. Among the articles passing by
was a straw hat. However, the hat was acting differently than the other debris. As it passed the house, it
stopped, turned around and then proceeded against the current to the point where he had first observed
it. The hat then stopped again, turned and moved with the current.
Once again, after moving a short distance, the hat reversed its course and began floating against the
current. The man called the woman’s attention to this strange occurrence. She replied, “Oh, that’s just Pa.
He said he was going to mow that lawn today come heck or high water.”

Waking Up Grumpy
OVER at the local cafe one morning, a farmer walked in and sat down at the counter next to a neighbor.
He thought his friend didn’t look too perky, so he came right out and asked, “Did you wake up grumpy
this morning?”
“Nope,” the neighbor replied. “I decided to let her sleep in.”

He Grew a Foot
A HILLBILLY walked into town and stopped at the general store to buy some new socks.
Showing him some different choices, the clerk explained, “These are $1.50 a pair or three for $4.00.”
The hillbilly scratched his head and said, “That don’t make no sense at all. Why in the world would I want
three socks?”
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